As a new mama, I was completely oblivious about breastfeeding. I honestly thought it would come "natural" and we wouldn't have any issues. Let me tell you that was a complete and utter naive thought. I wouldn't say my breastfeeding journey at the beginning was challenging but we've definitely hit many obstacles along the way. 

Calvin's latch was pretty solid at the beginning and I was definitely an over producer. I was able to save a lot of milk and get that stored in our deep freezer. I was so engorged from the beginning and was leaking a ton. My best friend bought me a silicone letdown catcher so I used that at every feeding on the opposite breast. 

They all felt amazing but he preferred the two above the most. I would say try and get some small samples before buying the actual jars because it can get pretty expensive. I would lather these on after EACH feeding. ​

I stared longingly at the list of breast pumps available that my insurance would either fully cover or partially cover. I had no idea which one to get. I did extensive research and decided on a Spectra. Some things I looked for in a breast pump were: suction level, attachments (ease of replacements and price of replacement parts) and quietness. I liked the size of the Medela breast pumps but I heard they're a little louder so I went with a Spectra instead. When I was choosing it, they had a pink (S2) or blue (S1) breast pump. The only difference between those was the fact that the blue (S1) was portable so I didn't have to be plugged into the wall to pump. I chose to upgrade to that pump and pay an addition few dollars for convenience. 

When I finally pumped at home it hurt so bad and I honestly made about 1oz on each breast. I eventually gave up and only used the silicone milk catcher. It wasn't until weeks later that my best friend came over and helped me with it. She watched and helped me figure out my fitting and realized my flange size was too large so it was pulling more of my areola. Our friendship definitely hit another level at that point- haha! So if you can, get fitted properly because this makes a HUGE difference! 

We have a deep freezer so we ended up freezing the milk. I bought plain rectangle 6oz milk bags and froze them flat. When I had 10 bags of frozen milk, I stored it in a gallon size ziploc. I was able to fit 10 bags of milk in each gallon size bag and stored it in our deep freezer. 

I was able to breastfeed him for about 4 months when I had a surplus supply of milk. I noticed that my letdown was slowing after 4 months and my breasts got a lot smaller. TMI but I noticed my nipples were smaller too. This was around the time he stopped latching and didn't want to be breastfed anymore. We were bottle feeding him at night so my husband could feed him and I could get ready for bed. We also wanted to be able to physically see how much he ate before bed and also give him some probiotics. Welp, I think he got use to or preferred the flow of the bottle nipples and he started refusing my breast. That was fine since he was still eating. The only pain is now I'm exclusively pumping and washing all the pump parts. 

Well if you noticed above, I have the S2 Spectra. The pump itself is pretty large! I hated having to lug it around for the day when we're out and about. So I actually purchased a second pump. I had to find one that was comparable and adaptable with some of my Spectra parts. I definitely needed something much more compact because I hated bringing a second large backpack or tote to carry my pump. 

​I opted for the Motif Duo breast pump. The suction isn't as strong as the Spectra but it definitely does the job. It's also very quiet. The best part was it fits in the palm of my hand! I can also stick it in my pocket if I needed (from my jacket or leggings with the side pocket for your phone). 

The Motif Duo tubing also fit on my Spectra bottles which meant I didn't have to buy any additional flanges or pieces. 

To be honest, I still try to breast feed him once or twice throughout the day. It's hard to explain but I miss being able to breastfeed him. He'll take for about 10 minutes before he unlatches because my milk isn't coming as fast as he wants. 

I'm honestly just thankful that I produce enough milk to feed him and that he's fine with taking a bottle. This is great because anybody can feed him without a fight. If my milk runs dry and we run out of our frozen stash and need to use formula, I'll keep you guys posted!


Our feeding journey has been such a rollercoaster. Nothing is every consistent with a baby! Everything changes once you think you've got things figured out. So if you're a new mama or soon to be mama, know that things probably won't go as planned! Just go with it and do what you think is necessary and don't be afraid to ask for help! Remember, fed is best!

YES! A lot of people think you shouldn't do tummy time until they're a few months old but you can actually start tummy time right away! We had to take Calvin to physical therapy once he was born because he was breech and never flipped. We found out his shoulder was lodged against his neck in the womb and he had this major flat spot behind his ear. The hospital pediatrician and physical therapist also noticed that his neck was stiff. So after we were discharged we started physical therapy. She actually recommended starting tummy time as soon as we can. 

Tummy time strengthens your baby's muscles! It's important to do a few minutes of tummy time from the beginning and building their stamina. It will help strengthen their neck and shoulder muscles! It will also help prevent flat spots around their head. It's also a great bonding time for you and baby. Don't forget to cheer them on! You'll be surprised to see how strong they are from the beginning! I know I sure was!
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I should've captured more or better pictures of him but I didn't. I have a ton of pictures of Calvin on my husband's chest without a shirt when he was first born but I won't post those- HAHA. But the encouraging part of this whole process is that because we started so early, he strengthened his neck and shoulder muscles very quickly. He was able to have full range of movement in both directions and the flat spot behind his ear filled out as he grew. We were able to stop PT for his torticollis pretty quickly! His physical therapist believes that he was able to start rolling over from his belly to back before he was three months old because we started so early. But remember that every baby's development is different! 

My anxiety has been getting to the worse of me the last few weeks. It tends to worsen when I've been home for an extended amount of time or when our house gets cluttered and unorganized. I'll be fine one moment and completely overwhelmed the next. It'll happen in a split second and I honestly just panic and feel the need to clean everything all while freaking out. My poor husband will drop what he's doing and help clean with me just so I can calm down. 

I realized that I'm a pretty visual learner and need structures and routines. I mean that's why I became a teacher to begin with. I remembered how successful I was at creating charts, graphs, to-do lists when I was teaching so I decided to create something I would need to stick with at home. 

Every January I hear everyone's New Year's resolutions but I don't generally participate. These goals are often pushed to the back burner and people generally give up on them after a few weeks or months. Rather than putting the burden upon yourself and creating such specific goals, try something smaller. I recently read an article that said to focus on intentions rather than resolutions. Rather than focusing on what you don't have, you start channeling your focus on what you want to achieve and think about what you can do to achieve those goals. 

My husband and I never chose a pediatrician before Calvin was born so the hospital pediatrician came to see him. He was concerned about Calvin's neck strength and his hip placement from being breeched. He sent over a physical therapist to do a quick exam and she recommended for us to start physical therapy with him as precaution. As a new mama, I was already scared about what was to come and now I was anxious about my son's health or movement. Since September, we've seen the physical therapist once a month to learn new stretches and monitor his neck, hips and flat spots on his head. We would play with toys to watch him move certain directions and making sure he would stay at midline appropriately. She watched and monitored him closely while taking notes on what our next steps would be to help him. I won't lie, I was always anxious before each meeting because I was scared he wasn't progressing well. But guess what?! Calvin has great neck control, his hips are aligned where they need to be, he stays at midline well and is growing at a perfect rate! 

After my c-section with Calvin and bringing him home, I was overjoyed that he was healthy and we were finally growing our family. I was lucky that he didn't have any big issues feeding or latching. My husband took about 1.5 weeks off of work and we were feeling pretty good about things. I was recovering well from my surgery and I was able to be out and moving slowly.

But it was just a few weeks being home alone with nobody to talk to that things took a turn. My emotions and hormones were all over the place. I was on a weight restriction because of my incision healing and he was pretty much reaching it. I couldn't leave the house without my husband because I wasn't able to pick Calvin up in a carseat. The days went on and my baby boy wasn't sleeping, he was fussy and colicky and he wouldn't let me put him down. I started getting envious of my husband for being able to leave in the morning to work. I started seeing that as a luxury or a break away from home. I felt like a terrible mother for thinking that. I felt terrible for wanting to leave. I would look in the mirror and not recognize who I was anymore. 

He continued to do what he can around the house and help with our son. He picked up my slack and never complained. He would prep a bottle and feed Calvin to give me a break from feeding him. He wiped away my tears and affirmed that I was doing a great job despite the fact of a crying baby. 

A friend of mine started checking in on me and keeping me company through voice text messages throughout the day. She would send me words of affirmation. She probably had no idea how much her words helped get me through some darkest days. When she worked from home, she came to visit or help get me out of the house more often. She still does this today!

I also never thought I would find some great friends online. I connected with some amazing mamas through Instagram who supported each other. 

Is my postpartum depression/anxiety completely gone? Nope. I still deal with it on a daily basis. But I now have some resources to help cope with it. I am still in the process of finding a professional to talk to.
​If you're struggling with this as well, here's what I have to say. 

Your feelings and thoughts are valid. You are everything your baby needs and more. You're doing more than you think. 

We were getting really tired of being at the hospital and were ready to leave as soon as they would discharge us. Since I was up and moving just a few hours after surgery, I was going stir-crazy being in the room the whole time. We were there for a total of 2.5 days. Prior to getting discharged, our nurse bathed him and helped get him ready to go home. We put actual clothes on him for the first time and loaded his itty bitty body into the carseat! I had a surge of emotions run through my body! I was excited to be going home and in our own bed but I was so scared that we didn't have a nurse to help us. Prior to this point, the nurses or my husband did all of the work. All I had done was feed our baby! All I did was look in the rearview mirror the whole way home. I couldn't believe we finally got to bring him home with us!

We got home and introduced the dogs to him. I'm so bummed I didn't get a good picture of Pepper with him! My husband had gone home the night before with a swaddle that Calvin was in and had the dogs smell it to familiarize his scent. When we got home, they were both so gentle and curious. It didn't take long for them to follow us around with him. 

Calvin now has two big fur-sisters to watch after him!

Everything was a breeze throughout my pregnancy. I didn't have any morning sickness or crazy spurts of pain. It was pretty mellow up until the end. Around 30-ish weeks was when I started getting pretty uncomfortable. My feel would swell up just by standing for a few minutes and I was running out of breath just walking a short distance. I started getting weird sharp pain and discomfort periodically. 

I left work on Friday, August 30th to my regular 38 week check-in where my OB did an ultrasound and found out he was breeched. She sent me over a few doors down to get a full ultrasound and measurements done. They found out that I had low amounts of amniotic fluid and scheduled to head to triage the next day to do a Cephalic Version to try and flip him. The doctor did another AFI (amniotic fluid index) and said it was too dangerous to try and flip him because my fluid level was too low and the chances of him flipping was too slim since he was pretty big. If they attempted to flip him then I could've went into labor that day and if he didn't flip then I would've had an emergency c-section. So we basically had to keep coming back to do another ultrasound, fetal monitoring and measurements of baby boy. 

Now the thought of having a c-section was pretty daunting but it was a sure relief that it would be a scheduled surgery and the risks for complications were low. Baby boy continued to grow and I was getting really uncomfortable. We were ready to meet him! I went to see my OB on Wednesday, September 4th and we found out that I basically had no amniotic fluid left so she sent me to the hospital to do a c-section since he was still breeched and practically lodged into my ribcage. We got to the hospital and they hooked me up so we could monitor his heart rate for a few hours. It was nice to just listen to his heartbeat the whole time! When my OB was done at the clinic, she met us at the hospital and we were ready for surgery. They rolled me into the surgery room around 5pm and got everything prepped. 

I'm a HUGE baby when it comes to surgeries, blood or needles. They made my husband wait outside of the room until they had everything prepped and I was on the table. I started panicking and hyperventilating when I sat on the surgery table getting ready for my epidural but my nurse was the best. She sat down in front of me, propped my legs in her lap, held my hand and calmed me down. When the anesthesiologist got ready to poke my spine, she pinched my hand super hard so I would focus on that pain instead. The epidural was the weirdest feeling because it kicked in so fast! I was numb before I he finished talking and they quickly laid me down. Once I was on the table, they let my husband into the room. I was amazed that I couldn't feel anything except some pressure. At one point they were tugging and pulling things around where my body was moving around but I didn't feel a thing. It only took about 10 minutes for baby boy to come out. They lowered the curtain and he was a chunky baby! They cleaned him and swaddled him up. I cried when my husband laid him next to me.  They took another hour to stitch and clean everything back up and I was ready to go to my room. 

Once we were in our room, the nurses helped unwrap him and get some skin-to-skin time and feed him. He didn't have any issues latching- thank goodness! I will say it did hurt and take some time to get used to. Nurse after nurse came to check in on us and monitored us. It only took 6 hours before I was up and walking around! 

The whole scheduled c-section was very organized and stress free! It was the best decision for the situation and I was so relieved to have had such a great experience at the hospital. My nurses were all amazing and helpful and baby boy arrived healthy!